1
00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:04,520
[people chattering]

2
00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,520
Oh, joe.
I--I hope you don't mind,

3
00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:08,160
But in the spirit
Of global awareness,

4
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:10,160
I've taken the liberty
Of replacing

5
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:13,960
All our plastic cups
With biodegradable ones.

6
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,970
Fay, that is great.

7
00:00:15,970 --> 00:00:18,970
I think we should all be more
Environmentally conscious
These days.

8
00:00:18,970 --> 00:00:21,370
But don't we still have
300 or 400 of the old cups?

9
00:00:21,370 --> 00:00:23,670
Oh, those. I tossed them.

10
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,610
[seagulls cawing]

11
00:01:29,140 --> 00:01:30,240
[projector whirring]

12
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,440
(helen)
So, I open this package
From my parents

13
00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:37,250
And in it are these
Really great home movies
Of my 11th birthday party.

14
00:01:41,050 --> 00:01:42,290
You were there, joe,

15
00:01:42,290 --> 00:01:45,290
Looking about as relaxed
As I've ever seen you.

16
00:01:45,290 --> 00:01:46,790
And you, too, brian.

17
00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:50,290
You were being totally you.

18
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,000
There was a wonderful
Shot of your mom.

19
00:01:55,630 --> 00:01:58,640
Oh, and remember those silly
Games we used to play?

20
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,700
Brian was the winner
Of the egg race.

21
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,710
Well, the disputed winner.

22
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:06,680
I was havin' a great time.

23
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,350
You know,
It really doesn't take much
To amuse an 11-year-old.

24
00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:15,320
I swear there was not
One shot of me

25
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:18,250
Where I wasn't
Stuffing, chewing,
Swilling or swallowing.

26
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,360
No, I take that back.
There was one or two
Of me gagging.

27
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:24,860
I remember that party.

28
00:02:24,860 --> 00:02:26,460
I paid beth parks
50 cents

29
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,100
To do a handstand
In her party dress.

30
00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:31,600
Yeah. She'd have done it
For a quarter

31
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,570
But I was feelin'
Generous that day.
Oh!

32
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,000
Yeah. I remember that.

33
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,540
No way!
Mr. Goody-two-shoes here

34
00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:37,970
Was covering his eyes
With his hands.

35
00:02:38,340 --> 00:02:40,480
Yeah. But I was peeking
Through my fingers.

36
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:43,010
I forget, joe,
Was that before or after

37
00:02:43,010 --> 00:02:45,080
You took a header
Into the birthday cake?

38
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,580
Brian, I didn't take a header.
You tripped me.

39
00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:49,890
Joe, it's time you stopped
Livin' that lie.

40
00:02:49,890 --> 00:02:51,890
You dropped the cake
On the lawn

41
00:02:51,890 --> 00:02:53,960
And you fell in it.

42
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,760
My cake was totally covered
In grass clippings.

43
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,000
I ate it anyway.

44
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,360
It was the only roughage
I had that year.

45
00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:04,700
Those movies sound like
A lovely birthday present.

46
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:07,700
Birthday present?
What birthday present?
When's helen's birthday?

47
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:08,710
It's today.

48
00:03:09,210 --> 00:03:10,710
Why, I don't believe this.

49
00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:12,710
Lowell.
Lowell, did you know that
Today was helen's birthday?

50
00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:15,450
Uh, sure did.
It's kind of hard to forget.

51
00:03:15,450 --> 00:03:19,450
Falls on the same day
Sir john speke discovered
The source of the nile.

52
00:03:20,980 --> 00:03:22,490
Now, you comin'
To the party?

53
00:03:22,490 --> 00:03:23,990
Party? There's a party?

54
00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:26,490
Uh, sure would've been nice
If you guys had told me

55
00:03:26,490 --> 00:03:27,620
You were throwin'
A party for her.

56
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,630
It's no big deal.
We do this every year.

57
00:03:29,630 --> 00:03:30,630
I bake a cake.

58
00:03:31,130 --> 00:03:32,130
We wait in the hangar,
She comes in

59
00:03:32,130 --> 00:03:33,830
And we all yell, "Surprise."

60
00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:36,330
And unbelievably,
Every year she screams.

61
00:03:38,030 --> 00:03:39,540
Maybe helen's
Just being polite.

62
00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:42,440
No, I was talkin' about fay.

63
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,070
Ah, I hate this.
I'm completely unprepared.

64
00:03:45,070 --> 00:03:47,080
Now I'm gonna have to look
For a gift at the last minute.

65
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,580
What am I gonna do?

66
00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:50,580
You know, brian,
You might be able
To benefit

67
00:03:50,580 --> 00:03:51,920
From my experience.

68
00:03:51,910 --> 00:03:53,920
I found that if you panic
Over these things,

69
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,420
You tend to freeze up.

70
00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:58,420
So just stay calm. Relax.

71
00:03:58,420 --> 00:04:00,420
And I'm sure you'll think
Of somethin' very special

72
00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:02,130
To get helen
For her birthday.

73
00:04:02,130 --> 00:04:03,130
You're right, lowell.

74
00:04:03,130 --> 00:04:05,260
So, uh,
What did you get helen?

75
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,260
Oh, my god!

76
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,510
Fay, I was wondering
If you could take a look

77
00:04:15,510 --> 00:04:17,010
At my household budget
For me.

78
00:04:17,010 --> 00:04:18,510
What's the problem,
Lowell?

79
00:04:18,510 --> 00:04:21,510
I'm, uh, running out of money
By the 3rd day of the month.

80
00:04:21,510 --> 00:04:22,480
Oh.

81
00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:24,250
I'd be happy to.

82
00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:26,580
I figured you'd be
The person to come to,

83
00:04:26,580 --> 00:04:29,090
Seeing as how you're
So darn good
With numbers and all.

84
00:04:29,590 --> 00:04:32,590
I mean, flight 23, gate 1.

85
00:04:32,590 --> 00:04:37,730
Flight 45, gate 1.
Flight 67, gate 1.

86
00:04:37,730 --> 00:04:41,400
How you keep track of which
Flight goes to which gate,
I'll never know.

87
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,100
Joe, joe, joe, check out
What I got for helen.

88
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:48,100
A portable cassette player.

89
00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:49,710
Wow, what'd that
Set you back?

90
00:04:49,710 --> 00:04:51,170
Uh, $65.

91
00:04:51,170 --> 00:04:53,580
$65?

92
00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:55,580
Brian,
That's way out of line.

93
00:04:55,580 --> 00:04:57,710
We always get helen
Little things.

94
00:04:57,710 --> 00:04:58,710
So?

95
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:01,220
Oh, ho-ho, I see what
You're tryin' to do.

96
00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:03,750
You only got helen
Somethin' big to get her
To go out with you.

97
00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:06,260
[in british accent]
Oh, dear, you've seen past
My feeble charade.

98
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:07,160
Yeah.

99
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,030
Well, it's not gonna work.

100
00:05:09,030 --> 00:05:11,690
Helen is not the type
To lose her head
Over some silly gift.

101
00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:14,200
[projector whirring]

102
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,200
Come on, joe, don't make
Such a big deal of it.

103
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,570
How much money
Did you spend on her?

104
00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:19,500
About $10.

105
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,500
[in british accent]
Don't I feel
The perfect fool.

106
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:23,510
Here I spent all this money

107
00:05:23,510 --> 00:05:24,510
And I'm sure
She'll like your gift

108
00:05:24,510 --> 00:05:26,510
Just as much
As she likes mine.

109
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,750
Hi, joe.
What you got there?

110
00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:37,250
I was in town,
I walked past a store,

111
00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:39,760
I saw this,
Had helen's name
Written all over it.

112
00:05:40,260 --> 00:05:42,430
Yeah, what is it?
Monsieur cheese pot.

113
00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:44,430
You see, you heat up cheese
In this thing

114
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:45,930
Until it gets
All soft and gooey.

115
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:47,430
And then you take
These little pieces of bread

116
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,300
And you put them
On these sticks
And dip them into it.

117
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:50,300
Oh, that's nice.

118
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,970
Assuming anyone would
Ever want to do that.

119
00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:54,840
You don't think
Helen's gonna like it?

120
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:56,340
Of course she will.

121
00:05:56,340 --> 00:05:58,840
Sure, after a long day
Slaving over a hot,
Greasy griddle,

122
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,840
There's nothing
She'd rather do

123
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,210
Than sit down
In front of a hot
Bubbling cauldron of cheddar.

124
00:06:04,550 --> 00:06:05,550
Come here.
I need your finger.

125
00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:06,880
I got one for you.

126
00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:09,190
No, come on, come on,
Come on, come on.

127
00:06:09,190 --> 00:06:11,620
Hey, this box
Looks a little big

128
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:13,920
For a portable
Cassette player.

129
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,430
Ah, well, I took that back.
I got to thinkin', uh,

130
00:06:16,430 --> 00:06:18,430
If I'm going to launch
The good ship helen,

131
00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:20,430
It might be a good idea
To grease the skids a bit,

132
00:06:20,430 --> 00:06:22,230
So I got her
A cordless phone.

133
00:06:22,230 --> 00:06:23,730
I don't believe this.

134
00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:26,540
You went out and purposely
Got a better gift than mine.

135
00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:28,540
A better gift than
An electric cheese melter?

136
00:06:28,540 --> 00:06:30,040
Surely you jest.

137
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,010
Relax, joe.
I just changed my mind.

138
00:06:33,010 --> 00:06:34,910
Bull.
You're trying to one-up me.

139
00:06:34,910 --> 00:06:36,480
You're trying to make me
Look bad in front of helen.

140
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,950
Joey, babe, you sound
A little paranoid here.

141
00:06:38,950 --> 00:06:40,950
What have I ever done
To make you feel that way?

142
00:06:40,950 --> 00:06:42,450
[projector whirring]

143
00:06:45,450 --> 00:06:46,420
[inaudible]

144
00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:48,320
All right, look,

145
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,330
If you want,

146
00:06:50,330 --> 00:06:53,200
Here's some paper
So you can wrap up
Monsieur cheese breath.

147
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,200
Pot.

148
00:06:56,130 --> 00:06:56,970
Where you goin'?

149
00:06:57,470 --> 00:06:58,970
Uh, uh, uh,

150
00:06:59,470 --> 00:07:01,570
I have to get
My foot measured.

151
00:07:01,570 --> 00:07:04,540
Joe, this isn't another one
Of your clever fibs, is it?

152
00:07:06,980 --> 00:07:07,940
No.

153
00:07:17,090 --> 00:07:20,660
Fay, have you had a chance
To peruse my budget yet?

154
00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:23,630
Yes, lowell.
I have and I have
One tiny question.

155
00:07:23,630 --> 00:07:25,130
Fire away.

156
00:07:25,130 --> 00:07:28,630
What's this $112.50
A week for tuxedo rental?

157
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:31,130
[plane passing]

158
00:07:31,630 --> 00:07:33,140
That's for tuxedo rental.

159
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,370
But lowell,
Why are you paying money

160
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:38,470
To a tuxedo rental shop
Every week?

161
00:07:38,470 --> 00:07:39,980
Oh, it was
My uncle everett's

162
00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:42,980
Last wish to be buried
In white tie and tails.

163
00:07:42,980 --> 00:07:47,250
I thought
It was my familial duty
To see that wish carried out.

164
00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:49,750
So, you've been renting
A tuxedo by the week?

165
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,250
Well, I see your point.

166
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:55,260
Yeah, monthly would have been
The way to go on that.

167
00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:59,330
Lowell, why didn't you just
Buy the tuxedo?

168
00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:02,930
Do you have any idea
How expensive
Those things are?

169
00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:05,300
Hell and I got a great deal
On this one.

170
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:06,300
No pants.

171
00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:08,810
I figured
Why spend the extra money

172
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,710
If they don't open
The whole casket, right?

173
00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:14,210
I want you to go down
To that tuxedo shop today

174
00:08:14,210 --> 00:08:17,080
And tell them you'd like
At least half of your money
Refunded.

175
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,080
What if they want
The tuxedo back?

176
00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:23,820
Something tells me they won't.

177
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,090
Hackett,
Where have you been?

178
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,890
In town gettin' helen
A birthday present.

179
00:08:30,890 --> 00:08:31,830
Hmm. What did you get her?

180
00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:33,830
French perfume.
Toujours.

181
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:36,330
$150 an ounce.
What do you think?

182
00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:38,770
Mmm, very classy.

183
00:08:38,770 --> 00:08:42,270
Should go real well with that
Italian handknit sweater
Your brother got her.

184
00:08:42,270 --> 00:08:43,770
What?
Yeah.

185
00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:45,780
Said he dropped $200 on it.

186
00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:48,210
He told me not to tell you.

187
00:08:48,210 --> 00:08:50,410
Then why'd you tell me?

188
00:08:50,410 --> 00:08:52,420
I love jerking
You guys around.

189
00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:58,920
Roy, roy. Did you see joe?

190
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,420
Yeah.
He was just showing me

191
00:09:00,420 --> 00:09:02,460
Some ritzy perfume
He bought helen.

192
00:09:02,460 --> 00:09:04,460
He went back into town
To exchange it for something.

193
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,960
Oh, by the way,
I accidentally let it slip

194
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,660
About that sweater
You're getting helen.

195
00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:10,070
Roy, how could you do that?

196
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:11,900
I know.

197
00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:14,270
I hate myself for it.

198
00:09:14,270 --> 00:09:15,770
Well, look, you tell fay
That I got to run into town.

199
00:09:15,770 --> 00:09:17,270
Ok.

200
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:19,280
Roy, have you seen brian?

201
00:09:19,780 --> 00:09:20,780
No, not lately.

202
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:23,380
Oh, life is good.

203
00:09:35,420 --> 00:09:39,400
Hey, joe, uh,
Mind if I leave this
In here until the party?

204
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,900
No. Not at all.

205
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,600
What you got there?

206
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:45,970
[chuckling]
I'm not gonna
Tell you, brian.

207
00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:49,070
I'm not going to give you
A chance to one-up me again.
Come on.

208
00:09:49,070 --> 00:09:50,570
I'll tell you what I got.

209
00:09:50,570 --> 00:09:53,080
No, I don't want to know,
So don't tell me.

210
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,340
It's a cappuccino maker.

211
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:57,510
That's nice.
That's nice?

212
00:09:57,510 --> 00:10:00,520
That's all you're going
To say is, "That's nice"?

213
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,820
You got her
Something better.

214
00:10:01,820 --> 00:10:03,820
Maybe I did.
Maybe I didn't.

215
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,060
There's no way
You're findin' out
Until after the party

216
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:07,420
Because I'm not gonna
Tell you.

217
00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:09,430
Joe, I called the store.

218
00:10:09,430 --> 00:10:11,790
That's a 3-year warranty
On that c.D. Player.

219
00:10:14,830 --> 00:10:17,830
C.D. Player?
You got her a c.D. Player?

220
00:10:17,830 --> 00:10:19,840
Yes, yes,
I got her a c.D. Player.

221
00:10:20,340 --> 00:10:21,840
I got her a great c.D. Player.

222
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,340
A $500 c.D. Player

223
00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:25,340
With every bell and whistle
You can imagine.

224
00:10:25,340 --> 00:10:28,850
So how do you like that,
Daddy warbucks?

225
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:32,180
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to get some ribbon.

226
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,190
C.D. Player, eh?

227
00:10:38,190 --> 00:10:40,590
I can top the c.D. Player.

228
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:43,960
Where do you think
You're goin'?

229
00:10:45,460 --> 00:10:46,460
[exclaiming]

230
00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:48,460
Stop that! Oh, joe.
Ok, you're killin' me.

231
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,470
Kill-- killin' me.
Killin' me.

232
00:10:50,470 --> 00:10:52,700
Hey, wait, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Brian, look at us.

233
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:55,100
I'd like to, joe,
But I'm facin'
The wrong way.

234
00:10:56,110 --> 00:10:57,110
I--I'm sorry.

235
00:10:57,110 --> 00:10:59,610
Brian, this has gotten
Totally out of hand.

236
00:10:59,610 --> 00:11:01,010
Yeah, you have a point.

237
00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:02,650
Thank you.
On the top of your head.

238
00:11:03,410 --> 00:11:04,910
Brian, l-listen.

239
00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:08,920
I know helen.
She is not impressed
By extravagant gifts.

240
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,990
This is going
To embarrass her.

241
00:11:10,990 --> 00:11:13,490
Not to mention everyone else
Who got her a simple gift.

242
00:11:13,490 --> 00:11:15,660
You want to embarrass
Everyone?

243
00:11:15,660 --> 00:11:17,460
Not everyone, no.

244
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:19,460
Then let's call it a truce.
We'll return these

245
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,230
And get her little gifts.

246
00:11:21,230 --> 00:11:22,670
Ok, ok, little gifts.
Really?

247
00:11:23,170 --> 00:11:24,570
Yes, yes, absolutely.

248
00:11:24,570 --> 00:11:26,570
Just got a little crazy,
That's all.

249
00:11:26,570 --> 00:11:28,070
[sighing]

250
00:11:28,070 --> 00:11:30,070
And joe,

251
00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:32,980
That crack
About you havin' a point
On the top of your head.

252
00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:34,640
Yeah?
Wear a hat.

253
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:44,090
Yeah, all we need now
Is a clever excuse
To get helen in here.

254
00:11:44,090 --> 00:11:45,090
I'll handle it.

255
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,260
Hey, helen, could you
Come here for a minute?

256
00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:53,260
I need you to look at,
Uh,

257
00:11:54,260 --> 00:11:55,800
Something.

258
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,800
Joe hackett,
Master of subterfuge.

259
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,040
[screams]

260
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,510
(all)
Surprise.

261
00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:06,010
You guys, you got me again.

262
00:12:06,010 --> 00:12:08,010
Happy birthday.

263
00:12:08,010 --> 00:12:10,010
Great, thank you.

264
00:12:10,010 --> 00:12:12,010
Happy birthday, helen.
Thank you.

265
00:12:12,510 --> 00:12:15,020
Happy birthday, helen.
This is from me.

266
00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:18,020
Oh, why, a rock.

267
00:12:18,020 --> 00:12:19,990
Well, it's not just any rock.

268
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:21,990
It's a piece
Of a welsh castle.

269
00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:23,490
The guy who sold it to me
Told me

270
00:12:23,490 --> 00:12:25,830
It originally belonged
To the duke of earl.

271
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:28,130
Well, I figured it would make
A great paperweight.

272
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:29,400
So would lowell.

273
00:12:31,630 --> 00:12:32,470
Thank you.

274
00:12:32,970 --> 00:12:34,470
And roy.

275
00:12:34,470 --> 00:12:36,970
[gasps]
A new england patriots'
Coffee mug.

276
00:12:36,970 --> 00:12:40,140
Yeah,
I got it with the fill up at
Henderson's service station.

277
00:12:41,140 --> 00:12:42,140
If you want
The matching thermos,

278
00:12:42,650 --> 00:12:44,010
You're gonna have to get
The lube job.

279
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,850
Oh, fay.

280
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,850
[gasps]
It's a medallion
Of saint jude.

281
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:53,360
I thought it might help you
In your quest to become
A concert cellist.

282
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:57,360
Uh, isn't saint jude
The patron saint
Of lost causes?

283
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,860
Yes.

284
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,230
Never take it off.

285
00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:04,730
Well, looks like joe's
Is the only present left.

286
00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:07,240
And here's one that looks
Pretty interesting.

287
00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:09,840
Ooh.

288
00:13:11,340 --> 00:13:13,740
"Happy birthday helen.
Love, brian."

289
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:15,710
Brian, I thought
We agreed that, uh...

290
00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:19,720
[screaming]
A c.D. Player.

291
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,290
[projector whirring]

292
00:13:39,230 --> 00:13:40,740
I don't believe this,
Brian.

293
00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:43,170
I've wanted one of these
Things for months now.

294
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:45,840
Wasn't there a gift
From joe here somewhere?

295
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:47,480
Uh, no, no.

296
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,980
Oh, here it is.
In all the excitement

297
00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:50,480
Over brian's
Wonderful gift,

298
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,550
It must have got
Knocked to the floor.
Oh.

299
00:13:52,550 --> 00:13:55,550
God, this has been
Such a great birthday.

300
00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:58,050
I can't wait to see
What's in here.

301
00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:03,690
[screaming]
Gosh, I just love it.

302
00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:06,160
It's a seagull
On driftwood.

303
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:08,600
Thank you so much.

304
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,070
Wow, wherever did you
Find one of these?

305
00:14:13,070 --> 00:14:15,970
Try and take 3 steps
On this island
And not find one.

306
00:14:16,810 --> 00:14:18,310
So, uh, you like it?

307
00:14:18,310 --> 00:14:19,680
Oh, it's really cute.

308
00:14:20,180 --> 00:14:22,180
I can't wait to
Hear this thing.

309
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:24,680
You think you can come over
To my house tonight
And hook it up?

310
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,120
Oh, sure.
No problem.

311
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,120
Brian, could I see you
In my office?

312
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,820
Oh, gee, joe,
I'd really like to, but--
Oh, now's a good time.

313
00:14:31,820 --> 00:14:32,820
Let me go!

314
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:38,330
You little puke.

315
00:14:38,830 --> 00:14:40,330
We had a deal
About these gifts.

316
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:41,860
Now, look joe, joe,

317
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:44,870
I came this close
To buying her
A garfield memo pad.

318
00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:45,870
I couldn't do that.

319
00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:48,840
Helen means more to me
Than cartoon cats.

320
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,840
Besides, I got a great deal
On the c.D. Player

321
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:51,840
Because
You just returned it.

322
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,410
Why, you little--
Is everything all right?

323
00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:56,410
Sure.

324
00:14:56,410 --> 00:14:59,420
Listen, brian, as long as
You're comin' over tonight,
You want me to cook us dinner?

325
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,150
(brian)
Oh, great.
I'll bring the wine.

326
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,650
Oh, terrific.
Yeah, say, what kind of wine
Goes best with digital sound?

327
00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:10,130
Hey, hackett,
You got some glue in here?

328
00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:12,130
The bird fell off
That piece of wood.

329
00:15:12,130 --> 00:15:13,100
[laughing]

330
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,640
Oh, I'm telling you,
This c.D. Player
Is unbelievable.

331
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,140
It's got--
Helen, could I get a refill?

332
00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:29,140
Sure, joe. It's got
A 10-disc capability,

333
00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:32,150
Remote control, it'll play
Any track at random

334
00:15:32,150 --> 00:15:34,150
Or it'll skip the tracks
That you don't want to hear.

335
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,750
Uh, helen?
Yeah, just a second, joe.

336
00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:38,250
The clarity is
So unbelievable,

337
00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:40,990
You would swear
Ella fitzgerald was sitting
Right next to you.

338
00:15:40,990 --> 00:15:43,290
Maybe she could get me
A cup of coffee.

339
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,230
Yeah, maybe.

340
00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:47,230
Of course,
Now I'm totally hooked.

341
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:49,730
I'm gonna have to replace
All my records with c.D.S.

342
00:15:49,730 --> 00:15:51,730
It's a racket,
But who cares?

343
00:15:51,730 --> 00:15:52,730
Helen.
Yes.

344
00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:54,740
I--I thought you were
Gonna fix this.

345
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:55,740
Oh, I tried, joe,

346
00:15:55,740 --> 00:15:57,410
But the glue
Dissolved the bird's feet.

347
00:16:00,010 --> 00:16:02,010
Hello, fay.

348
00:16:02,010 --> 00:16:04,850
Things went great
At the tuxedo shop.

349
00:16:04,850 --> 00:16:08,220
Lowell, they didn't talk you
Into renting another tuxedo,
Did they?

350
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:10,220
Please, fay,
Do I look like an idiot?

351
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,290
Well, they wouldn't
Refund my money

352
00:16:13,290 --> 00:16:15,290
But I got them to
Give me a store credit.

353
00:16:15,790 --> 00:16:19,300
Thinking about going
With a white dinner jacket
Tomorrow.

354
00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:21,300
Hey, looking good, lowell.
Well, thank you.

355
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,300
Doin' something a little
Different with my hair.

356
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,040
Hey, joe.
Hello, there.

357
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,040
Hey.
Hey.

358
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,380
I had a great time last night.
Yeah, me, too.

359
00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:35,110
Hey, thanks for hookin' up
My stereo system.

360
00:16:35,610 --> 00:16:38,110
My pleasure.
Boy, the sounds coming out
Of that bedroom last night

361
00:16:38,110 --> 00:16:39,110
Were unbelievable.

362
00:16:39,110 --> 00:16:42,120
I know.
The c.D. Sounded great.

363
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:45,320
Oh, the c.D. That, too.

364
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:51,230
I tell you
That brother of yours
Is one generous guy.

365
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,060
What do you mean by that?

366
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,800
I mean he's generous.

367
00:16:56,770 --> 00:16:58,270
Like I'm not?

368
00:16:58,270 --> 00:16:59,670
Oh, I didn't say that,
Joe.

369
00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,340
I mean,
He bought me a c.D. Player.

370
00:17:01,340 --> 00:17:03,270
Do you know how
Expensive those things--
Oh, c.D. Player, c.D. Player.

371
00:17:03,270 --> 00:17:06,410
I'm gettin'
A little tired of hearing
About this damn c.D. Player.

372
00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:08,740
There were
A lot of other people
Who bought you gifts.

373
00:17:08,740 --> 00:17:11,150
I don't hear you
Rattling on about them.

374
00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:13,520
Ok, joe, you're right.

375
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,450
I mean, with you
It's-- it's c.D. This,
C.D. That.

376
00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:17,950
C.D., c.D., c.D.,
C.D., c.D.--

377
00:17:17,950 --> 00:17:19,820
All right, all right
I won't mention it again.

378
00:17:19,820 --> 00:17:23,930
If I never hear another word
About that stupid c.D. Player,
It'll be too soon.

379
00:17:27,930 --> 00:17:30,430
I was going to get you
That c.D. Player.

380
00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:32,430
Come on, joe.

381
00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:34,440
Don't try to take credit
For brian's gift.

382
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,200
I like what you gave me.
It was very nice.

383
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,210
Oh, don't patronize me.
It was stupid.

384
00:17:38,210 --> 00:17:40,710
Well, if it was so stupid then
Why did you get it for me?

385
00:17:40,710 --> 00:17:42,610
Well, I wouldn't have
If I knew you could be bought.

386
00:17:42,610 --> 00:17:43,850
[projector whirring]

387
00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:45,650
How dare you say that!

388
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,650
I have never treated
Anyone differently

389
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,150
Because of the gift
They gave me.

390
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,650
No different, whatsoever.

391
00:17:50,650 --> 00:17:51,650
Of course
It was very tough

392
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:54,420
To resist such a fine piece
Of craftsmanship as your gift.

393
00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:58,430
Great, so you say
You didn't like it.
Well, great.

394
00:17:58,430 --> 00:18:00,630
Next year, I'm not
Getting you anything.

395
00:18:00,630 --> 00:18:02,130
Oh, no,
Don't do this to me.

396
00:18:02,630 --> 00:18:05,170
You can't be so cruel.
No more driftwood?

397
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:06,670
I hate your birthday.

398
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,670
Well, thanks to you,
So do I.

399
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:10,710
[projector whirring]

400
00:18:29,830 --> 00:18:31,260
[knocking on door]

401
00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:41,340
[crickets chirping]

402
00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:42,340
Hi.

403
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:44,840
Hello.

404
00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:48,840
Can I come in?

405
00:18:49,340 --> 00:18:50,810
All right.

406
00:18:51,810 --> 00:18:53,320
Oh,
You're watchin' home movies.

407
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,320
That's what
The flickering lights were.

408
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,820
Actually,
I was in the middle
Of a satanic ritual.

409
00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:02,820
I can come back.
I was making a joke, joe.

410
00:19:02,820 --> 00:19:04,330
So was I, helen.

411
00:19:06,430 --> 00:19:09,930
I was just watchin' some more
Of my birthday movies.

412
00:19:09,930 --> 00:19:11,430
Your mother
Was yanking brian's ear

413
00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:12,430
And readin' him
The riot act.

414
00:19:12,430 --> 00:19:13,940
Huh. Yeah,
That used to happen a lot.

415
00:19:13,940 --> 00:19:16,440
Until he was 5,
I thought his name
Was "Stop it, brian."

416
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:21,080
Uh, somethin'
I want to give you.

417
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,580
Come on, joe,

418
00:19:22,580 --> 00:19:25,080
Hasn't this present thing
Gone on long enough?

419
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,920
You already gave me
A birthday gift.

420
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,220
Oh, this isn't
A birthday gift.
This is a

421
00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:33,560
I'm-sorry-for-being-a-silly-
Stupid-pigheaded-moronic-
Idiot gift.

422
00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:36,390
Well, in that case.

423
00:19:36,390 --> 00:19:38,930
I was hoping it would
Make up for our fight today.

424
00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:40,430
You didn't have to do this.

425
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,430
It was as much my fault
As it was yours.

426
00:19:43,430 --> 00:19:44,430
[exclaims]

427
00:19:46,370 --> 00:19:47,870
A cameo.

428
00:19:48,870 --> 00:19:50,870
Joe, it's beautiful.

429
00:19:51,570 --> 00:19:53,080
Do you like it?

430
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,580
I love it.

431
00:19:56,080 --> 00:20:00,680
Good.
Then we're friends again?

432
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,180
We never stopped
Being friends.

433
00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:04,020
We just had
A little argument.

434
00:20:06,390 --> 00:20:11,060
Listen, I really
Appreciate the thought,
But I can't accept this.

435
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,330
Why?
Because it's jewelry.

436
00:20:13,830 --> 00:20:15,830
It's way too personal.

437
00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:17,830
And, that's definitely
Not a friendship gift.

438
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,040
Well, then, what--what's
A friendship gift?

439
00:20:23,510 --> 00:20:25,010
I don't know.

440
00:20:25,010 --> 00:20:26,510
A book.

441
00:20:26,510 --> 00:20:29,950
A picture frame.
A fondue pot.

442
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:35,820
Well,
What about a c.D. Player?

443
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,450
That's still friendship.

444
00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:42,160
Top-of-the-line friendship
But nevertheless friendship.

445
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,190
So what you're saying is
Brian's gift didn't
Get him anywhere?

446
00:20:45,190 --> 00:20:48,530
Of course it did.
Got him right out the door.

447
00:20:48,530 --> 00:20:50,530
He made
One of his suave passes

448
00:20:50,530 --> 00:20:53,740
That I find
Most difficult to fend off.

449
00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:55,740
Helen, it's no big deal.
Just take it.

450
00:20:55,740 --> 00:20:56,940
No, I--I don't know, joe.

451
00:20:56,940 --> 00:20:59,470
It--it looks sort of
Like an heirloom.

452
00:20:59,470 --> 00:21:01,980
It's not. Th-they
Make them look that way.

453
00:21:01,980 --> 00:21:03,480
I picked it up at stedman's.
It's nothin'.

454
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,750
It practically
Fell out of a crackerjack box.

455
00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:08,850
Really?

456
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:11,190
Trust me. Please.

457
00:21:11,450 --> 00:21:12,960
Take it.

458
00:21:15,460 --> 00:21:16,460
Ok, joe.

459
00:21:18,460 --> 00:21:19,460
Thank you.

460
00:21:23,970 --> 00:21:25,470
Well, I--I got to run.
Yeah.

461
00:21:25,470 --> 00:21:26,970
It's a full moon out tonight

462
00:21:26,970 --> 00:21:27,970
And brian just bought
A bullhorn.

463
00:21:27,970 --> 00:21:30,470
It doesn't sound like
A good combination.

464
00:21:33,180 --> 00:21:34,710
Good night.

465
00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,510
Thanks again.

466
00:21:37,510 --> 00:21:38,510
Yeah, sure.

467
00:21:51,790 --> 00:21:53,400
[projector whirring]

468
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,400
[inaudible]

469
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,990
You little son of a gun.